Now Why Would I Agree With That?

An agreement quickly entered into during times of mental anguish can lead to years of grief. I made countless agreements of this sort when I was too young to understand the mistake I was making.

Thankfully, we have a Lord who loves us enough to expose these agreements and set us free from them.

Several years ago I read, The Shack. People either love it or hate it. I happen to be in the category of the “loved it” crowd. I’m not here to either promote or refute it, but will say that God used this book to show me thirteen agreements I made as a child to never let anyone close enough to hurt me again. As a result, I was 45 years old and unable to make any friends. I couldn’t understand why.

Awakening me for a midnight visit, the Lord instructed me to get my journal and begin to write, using The Shack as a springboard into my own woundedness. (He uses journaling through various kinds of books to help me sort out what’s in my head.)

My own “Great Sadness,” began when I was one and a half years old. Starting there, the Lord walked me through countless events and wounds. He hit “pause” when we got to my 5th grade period of my life.

At that time, my parents were preparing to move to a new town for the 14th or 15th time, and I was very upset. I really liked my school and my teacher. Starting over – again – was not something I wanted to do.

During my last week at that school, my teacher brought in an album by Simon and Garfunkel. One of the songs he played for us was, I Am A Rock. Resonating with the lyrics, I immediately adopted it as the theme for my life.

If you know the words, you know some of the agreements I made: I’ll build walls – a deep and mighty fortress that no one can penetrate. I’ll use my books and [music] to protect me. I’ll hide in my room. I will touch no one. I will let no one touch me. I will be a rock. I will be an island. I don’t ever want to feel pain again. I don’t ever want to cry again. Heavy stuff for a ten-year-old!

God used The Shack to expose the agreements I made with the enemy that painful year, and lived from ever since. I renounced them, and made an altar to the Lord. I made a new agreement with Him:  I would risk pain and heartache, I would risk rejection again. Within months, I had more friends than I had time for.

Many years later, I still have relationships with nearly everyone of them. Sure, I get hurt sometimes, but I am no longer lonely.

I’m still prone to say things like, “That’s it! I’m not going to be nice to people anymore;” “I’ll never let them hurt me again;” or “I’ll never let myself get that involved again.” (Here’s one of my personal favorites: “I’ll get so big that I’ll become invisible and no one will want to be around me anymore – then they’ll leave me alone.”)

Of a different variety are these: “You’re right, I am stupid;”… or ugly, or clumsy, or unlovable – or [fill in the blank].

These agreements are, in reality, with our adversary. There is a power in our words that we don’t comprehend, but he does. When we are most vulnerable, he whispers these things to us. We accept his lies as truth, which keep us beaten down and lead us away from trust in the goodness and sovereignty of God.

In every instance where I’ve discovered an unholy agreement and renounced it, my life has changed for the better; and every time I’ve made a replacement agreement with the Lord, the same has been true.

The Bible says that we are transformed by the renewing of our minds (Romans 12:2). I frequently ask the Lord to reveal unholy agreements I’ve made. Once He reveals them and I renounce them, then replace them with truth, my mind does indeed become transformed. Bit by bit, I walk in greater freedom.

Thank You, Lord!

What “unholy” agreements have you made? Like me, has the enemy fed you lies that affect your life adversely?