Crack-Filled

Yesterday, a friend of mine was trying to determine the year of a specific women’s retreat in Oregon. Thankfully, I keep a journal (have an entire shelf of old ones on my bookcase), so I was able to answer her question.

The year was 2007.

It was a year of great significance for me.

It began when my husband gave me a pair of pink Crocs. You should read the story if you haven’t. It was a turning point in my life.

Seriously, you have to read it, or this post won’t make much sense!

It wasn’t until yesterday that I saw the timeline of events that began with my pink shoes – and God’s marvelous timing through it all.

As I skimmed through that journal, I marveled at the changes God has wrought in me. I was full of self-loathing, incredibly insecure, and my view of God was atrocious.

Excuse me while I pause to dance and sing praises to the Faithful One!

\ 🙂 / \ 🙂 / \ 🙂 / \ 🙂 / \ 🙂 /

Okay, I’m back!

The pink shoes were given to me at the beginning of July. The “princess party” took place in November.

Sandwiched in the middle was a letter written to my step-dad. It was written in love, and I anticipated our conversations about its contents. I had many things to say to the man who did his best to destroy me out of jealousy for my father. It was time to bring it out into the open and resolve the issues once and for all.

What I didn’t expect was what came next…

…nothing.

I haven’t heard a peep from him in almost seven years – and he lives just twelve miles away.

My focus, however, is not on his response (or lack thereof), but rather on my heavenly Father who knew what was coming and began laying the groundwork almost two months in advance.

He did it with those pink shoes, and by redeeming the nickname “princess” for me.

You see, it was my step-dad who called me “princess” the day I graduated from high school.

The problem was that I had no frame of reference for that name. Up to that day I’d been called many things by him…but certainly nothing sweet. I thought he was being sarcastic, or cracking a joke and laughed it off.

But God…

(Don’t you love those words?)

…God was not content to leave me in that place, believing that I was a big screw-up. Through those shoes and the “princess” stuff that began pouring in, He let me know that I was His princess, and demonstrated His character to me in ways that forever changed my opinion of Him.

You see, He filled the void created by my dad’s withdrawal before there ever was one! He knew how my step-dad would react in advance, and moved in to shower me with His love in such a way that I would not miss the absence of the man I’d called “Dad” for all but two years of my life.

Abba took over the role of “Father” in my life and continues to lavish His love on me. I don’t deserve a bit of it. That’s just what He does!

This song says all that fills my heart with great gratitude for all the Lord has done for me:

The Lord commands us to remember…to look back and recall the ways He has been present in our lives. If you do not take the time to do this, you are missing out on a great faith-builder, and an opportunity to fall in love with the Lord all over again.

When I looked back, I discovered that God filled the cracks in my life that had not yet occurred – and went out of His way to repair decades of damage in the months and years that followed. How thankful I am that He looks beyond our fault and sees our need.

Yep, I’m a “crack-filled” daughter of the Lord Most High!