Robbed – An Obvious “Hidden” Agenda

5 10 2013

I took my “word” to God on my getaway last weekend. The result of our conversation is the last three posts, and this one as well. It was time well spent, and I came away encouraged…and apparently with encouragement for others as well.

This part of our conversation (which was actually the first) is part that I’d rather not make public. Solomon said that there is nothing new under the sun. If I needed this word, perhaps you do too.

Here was my word:

“Robbed”

During the previous week, I realized that this was how I felt toward God. Like I’d been robbed…

…robbed of having a father who loved me and treated me like his princess. (I hate the song, “Butterfly Kisses.” I wanted a dad like that.)

…robbed of being valued as a woman, thereby causing me to search in all the wrong places to receive that validation.

…robbed of being given undivided time with my mom before she left.

…robbed of ministry to my congregation in the way I thought I should have been allowed to serve.

…robbed in countless ways of a life that “ought to have been” mine.

Here was His response:

“Cease striving and know that I am God. 

I will be exalted among the nations, 

I will be exalted in the earth.”

Psalm 46:10 NASB

I let the words, “cease striving” sit with me for a while. They felt so right, so true. It was time for a little soul-searching.

So much of my striving is centered on “me.” As I looked at my many grievances, I saw that at its core is my own selfish ambition.

“They” are blocking me, holding me back from my calling: writing, songwriting, singing, teaching, speaking, etc. The list of people who have been guilty of this is long – parents, teachers, counselors, employers, pastors, leaders, others in my various areas of ministry, etc.

I realized that most of my efforts are an attempt to be validatedthat I would finally have a chance to show what I’ve got; that I could prove “them” wrong. They would finally see their great error in preventing me from pursuing my “obvious” calling; would see the “great cost” to Kingdom work their evil wrought!

This, sadly, has become my primary focus.

I was going to write “hidden agenda,” but it’s not really hidden, is it?

The number of things I’ve quit because it didn’t serve to stroke my ego in one way or another is pathetic. Each time I moved on, I did, in fact, rob myself of some much needed maturity and spiritual growth. I’ve been my own worst enemy!

The verse the Lord gave me to meditate on is accurate. I need to quit striving to make a name for myself.

If my name is exalted, so what? Did die for the sins of the world? No. Is salvation available through belief in me? No.

Even if my name is exalted this week…next week it would be replaced by someone else’s name. It happens all the time.

Lord, help me to move on from this lesson in futility, please. May my primary purpose in writing, singing, or speaking be to exalt and make known the name of Jesus.

I’m sorry I keep falling into this trap, Lord. Help me to spot it faster in the future and avoid it all together!

Help me to remember that I am Your blood-bought daughter…Your princess. May my life be lived in such a way that I please You in everything I do, say, and even think. 

May I live for Your glory, and Yours alone; help me see when I’ve made life all about me again (for I surely will).

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

\o/

Praising Jesus who is worthy to be worshiped!

*****

If you want to read these posts in the order I received them, begin with this one, then read:

Walk On Water

Get Out of Your Way

Struck Down but Not Crushed

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23 responses

5 10 2013
shadeakinbiyi

Thank you for the transparency. I have been blessed reading this post, no doubt i will revisit this post to let the blade of the WORD do some pruning in me. God bless you!!

6 10 2013
lessonsbyheart

It can cut sometimes, can’t it?

May the Lord bless you and make His face shine upon you and give you peace.

\o/

8 10 2013
shadeakinbiyi

Thank you and you too!! 🙂

5 10 2013
Toni Sprandel

Tami I love all your writings. And the way I look at them is that the LORD has had His loving, gracious and merciful hand on your life from day 1. What the the world (other people/circumstances) meant for evil, He used for good; your good and ours, because you are obedient to share it with us. We are all in this mess of a world together. The best thing is, we will all be united together in Heaven with Christ! Thank you for your soul-searching and sharing with us. I am so glad the LORD brought you to me. You are a huge blessing. 🙂

5 10 2013
lessonsbyheart

Thanks, Toni. Lord willing, I’ll get a song recorded that I can share on Monday. It was written about 7 or 8 years ago…God’s been working on this with me for a loooong time. {sigh} Wish I was making better progress.

Thanks for being my bud! You’re the ginchiest. 😉

\o/

5 10 2013
Toni Sprandel

Can’t wait to hear it! 🙂

5 10 2013
findingmyinnercourage

Thank you for opening up and sharing your heart. Bravo to you my friend! Blogging at its finest – excellent! I commend you!

5 10 2013
lessonsbyheart

Thanks. I don’t think I had much choice. It was post what the Lord and I talked about or sit here and stare at a blank new post. <:).

My hope is that in "coming clean" these dust bunnies will cease to have their hold on me. God is faithful, and will continue His work until we all get Home.

\o/

5 10 2013
msinop1

I have this exact issue…Mine primarily is centered on being accepted, I was given this prayer and it helps me to refocus when I get off track. Excellent post, humble, honest, and able, able to help others see these same issues in their own character.

Jesus! meek and humble of heart, Hear me.
From the desire of being esteemed,
Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being loved…
From the desire of being extolled …
From the desire of being honored …
From the desire of being praised …
From the desire of being preferred to others…
From the desire of being consulted …
From the desire of being approved …
From the fear of being humiliated …
From the fear of being despised…
From the fear of suffering rebukes …
From the fear of being calumniated …
From the fear of being forgotten …
From the fear of being ridiculed …
From the fear of being wronged …
From the fear of being suspected …

That others may be loved more than I,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be esteemed more than I …
That, in the opinion of the world,
others may increase and I may decrease …
That others may be chosen and I set aside …
That others may be praised and I unnoticed …
That others may be preferred to me in everything…
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should…

5 10 2013
lessonsbyheart

Mmmm. That sums it up pretty well, doesn’t it? May I copy and post tomorrow (or do you have it in a post that I can reblog?). It ties in well with this week’s messages.

Love in Christ,
Tami
\o/

6 10 2013
msinop1

Absolutely!!

6 10 2013
lessonsbyheart

Good thing you said yes – it was already a done deal. 😉

Added a link to your blog…didn’t want anyone to miss out on your encouraging and inspiring posts!

\o/

7 10 2013
msinop1

Thank you so much!! I feel the same about yours!! I am taking a hiatus from my personal facebook page which was taking up a lot of precious space in my mind and focusing on my blog, and my business, which has given me more time to go to the blogs of those I admire and learn from them! Thank you again, talk soon!!! ❤

7 10 2013
lessonsbyheart

PS – I posted a song today that goes with last week’s articles on getting up and moving on. 😉

\o/

7 10 2013
msinop1

I’ll check it out!! 😉

5 10 2013
nopew

This helps make sense of the approach you took in “Get Out of Your Way”. So I agree completely at the level you describe here, where our needs and plots interfere with God’s plan. John the Baptizer had it right, “I must decrease – Jesus must increase”. The trick is to stay in the right “crease”!
Peace

5 10 2013
lessonsbyheart

I had a feeling that I needed to post them in the order I received them. That’s what I get for being a chicken!

“The trick is to stay in the right “crease” – I like that…you may see it on my blog in the future!

\o/

5 10 2013
nopew

Feel free to do so. When God inspires a good one I claim no ownership.
And, yes, I guess the order had value, but then we would never have engaged in, what to me was, a worthwhile admission of struggle. And I am still on that in my mind…
Peace

5 10 2013
lessonsbyheart

Hmmm. Me too. Like I said, trying to figure it all out makes my head hurt.

Thanks for “engaging” and not attacking. I appreciate it when others lend to my learning – as you often do. 🙂

\o/

6 10 2013
nopew

We struggle, but not alone, and not in vain. And I finally got it figured out – oh, no, that was the grocery list 🙂 !
Peace

6 10 2013
lessonsbyheart

🙂

\o/

5 10 2013
Julie Garro

We all have some pain. It’s ok to put it into words and bring it to God. I think there is so much healing there. And there is healing in your writing. Bless you for your willingness to share your heart.

5 10 2013
lessonsbyheart

If I bring my “stuff” into the open, it loses its power over me, I’ve learned. Although it’s embarrassing to admit that I’m not perfect, the truth is…I’m not!

Thanks for taking the time to read my ramblings!

\o/

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