I took my “word” to God on my getaway last weekend. The result of our conversation is the last three posts, and this one as well. It was time well spent, and I came away encouraged…and apparently with encouragement for others as well.
This part of our conversation (which was actually the first) is part that I’d rather not make public. Solomon said that there is nothing new under the sun. If I needed this word, perhaps you do too.
Here was my word:
During the previous week, I realized that this was how I felt toward God. Like I’d been robbed…
…robbed of having a father who loved me and treated me like his princess. (I hate the song, “Butterfly Kisses.” I wanted a dad like that.)
…robbed of being valued as a woman, thereby causing me to search in all the wrong places to receive that validation.
…robbed of being given undivided time with my mom before she left.
…robbed of ministry to my congregation in the way I thought I should have been allowed to serve.
…robbed in countless ways of a life that “ought to have been” mine.
Here was His response:
“Cease striving and know that I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”
Psalm 46:10 NASB
I let the words, “cease striving” sit with me for a while. They felt so right, so true. It was time for a little soul-searching.
So much of my striving is centered on “me.” As I looked at my many grievances, I saw that at its core is my own selfish ambition.
“They” are blocking me, holding me back from my calling: writing, songwriting, singing, teaching, speaking, etc. The list of people who have been guilty of this is long – parents, teachers, counselors, employers, pastors, leaders, others in my various areas of ministry, etc.
I realized that most of my efforts are an attempt to be validated; that I would finally have a chance to show what I’ve got; that I could prove “them” wrong. They would finally see their great error in preventing me from pursuing my “obvious” calling; would see the “great cost” to Kingdom work their evil wrought!
This, sadly, has become my primary focus.
I was going to write “hidden agenda,” but it’s not really hidden, is it?
The number of things I’ve quit because it didn’t serve to stroke my ego in one way or another is pathetic. Each time I moved on, I did, in fact, rob myself of some much needed maturity and spiritual growth. I’ve been my own worst enemy!
The verse the Lord gave me to meditate on is accurate. I need to quit striving to make a name for myself.
If my name is exalted, so what? Did I die for the sins of the world? No. Is salvation available through belief in me? No.
Even if my name is exalted this week…next week it would be replaced by someone else’s name. It happens all the time.
Lord, help me to move on from this lesson in futility, please. May my primary purpose in writing, singing, or speaking be to exalt and make known the name of Jesus.
I’m sorry I keep falling into this trap, Lord. Help me to spot it faster in the future and avoid it all together!
Help me to remember that I am Your blood-bought daughter…Your princess. May my life be lived in such a way that I please You in everything I do, say, and even think.
May I live for Your glory, and Yours alone; help me see when I’ve made life all about me again (for I surely will).
In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Praising Jesus who is worthy to be worshiped!
If you want to read these posts in the order I received them, begin with this one, then read: