Augh!!! I’m Still Alive!!!

7 09 2013

When I woke up in the morning I was flat-out ticked off! The night before I’d taken enough pills to kill a horse.

There was no note left for anyone, no last-minute call for help.

I WANTED OFF THIS ROCK!!!

Yet, there I was, very much alive. All the pain that caused me to take such a drastic action was still present.

The enemy whispered, “You’re so bad that even God doesn’t want you.”

Hopeless. That was how I felt.

A few months later, determined to get it over with, I drove my VW bug into an oak tree at 55 MPH.

The tree died. My car…

…not a dent.

Really?

God doesn’t want you. Give it up,” the enemy hissed.

Year after painful year passed.

Then God began to do the miraculous. Old wounds were opened and then healed. My mind began to be renewed, and I began the transformation process.

Then new pain was added to old stuff and I became overwhelmed again.

I stood in my bathroom with a bottle of pills in my hand. I was certain of success this time.

Until…

…A mental picture of me, slumped in a wheelchair, drool running down my face filled my mind.

I heard the Lord say, “There is a time appointed. You will not be coming home until that time arrives. You may choose how you will spend your remaining time on the earth.”

That was the end of that subject for me!

I’m thankful for that encounter. Without God’s interference in the first two instances, none of my children or grand children would exist. I would have missed the opportunity to see God’s miraculous work in me and through me. I would not have been available to minister to others who are now where I was then.

You would not be reading about His great love for you right now.

Trust Him, He is more than able to give us beauty for our ashes, the oil of gladness for our sorrows.

Give Jesus a chance.

HeΒ will make something beautiful of your life!

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29 responses

19 09 2013
stockdalewolfe

Glad your attempts to end it all failed. I have been suicidal. Now I see how short life really is and am trying to appreciate each new day.

19 09 2013
lessonsbyheart

Um hmm. We just need to make it to the end of the dash between our dates of birth and death. After that, everything changes to the fantastic forever. Woohoo!

\o/

8 09 2013
Toni Sprandel

The LORD obviously has much left for you to do!! I am sooooooo glad you are still here! Love you so much! πŸ™‚

8 09 2013
lessonsbyheart

Me too, most days. πŸ˜‰ On the other hand, I long to see heaven. Mmm hmmm.

Love you too, dear sister!

\o/

8 09 2013
coastalmom

I think Heaven is going to be one glorius trip but I’m not sure you get there on purpose… well at least not the way you were attempting! So glad that God gave you your aha moment! I keep saying that I don’t believe that HE causes pain or illness or tragedies but He does allow them because of the FALLEN word that we live in… and HE still can get the victory by us being HIS vessel and spreading messages very similar to what you are doing !!! Good Job!

8 09 2013
lessonsbyheart

It’s weird how all that garbage becomes something of value when we’re writing and sharing our hearts with those who are now where we were than, isn’t it?

While I wouldn’t want to have to do it over again, I’m truly thankful for the life I’ve had. Jesus has given me such a broad ministry as a result. It amazes me…
…He amazes me!

\o/

8 09 2013
Ed

It’s crazy how God puts a bucket under us when we are at the end of our rope. Even crazier how far that bucket is from the end of that rope. πŸ™‚

8 09 2013
lessonsbyheart

True! πŸ™‚

\o/

7 09 2013
Heidi Viars

I am so grateful that God protected you … as He did me. He shines His Light into the dark places of our lives … one day at a time! Here you are … by His grace, through faith, walking in the deeds He had planned for you before even time began … you are a treasure, dear friend πŸ™‚

7 09 2013
lessonsbyheart

I’m glad He protected you, too. Where would I be without your wonderful messages from the Lord? πŸ™‚

\o/

7 09 2013
To Give You Hope

I had a similar experience many years ago. It’s not until you face your giants that they can be destroyed with God’s help and your faith. Thank you for sharing. I’m sure this will change many lives who are in despair. God bless!

7 09 2013
lessonsbyheart

That’s my hope. πŸ™‚

\o/

7 09 2013
Elizabeth Yalian

So glad you are still with us. What the enemy meant for evil, God redeemed into a blessings for others!

7 09 2013
lessonsbyheart

Love how He does that. You’d think the enemy would be so frustrated with the whole thing that he’d give up. πŸ™‚

\o/

7 09 2013
Moore to ponder

I am so glad you have such a committed heart to be out here reaching out like this.

7 09 2013
lessonsbyheart

Jesus has done so much for me, and I know He wants to reach out to other broken hearts, too. If I can point them to my wonderful Savior, it’s an honor. πŸ™‚

\o/

7 09 2013
tinabrenee

I have often said that for us to somehow be privy to the internal “conversation” or dialogue that takes place between one and the Devil prior to the taking of one’s own life is full of lies; for He is the father of lies – he seeds them, plants them in our bellies only to be brooded over and nurtured by us until finally and in accordance with Satan’s master plan (he has one for each of us specifically crafted to our weaknesses), we begin to perceive them as truth. The problem compounds when we then begin to base life-changing (and life-taking) decisions based upon those pure and blatant lies (which have now taken on the appearance of truth). If we could only see real truth in those moments of hopelessness. I am thankful that you did not succeed in your attempts. Praise God for his mighty hand!

7 09 2013
lessonsbyheart

Definitely. Apart from Him, I certainly would not be here. I hated life so much…everywhere I turned I incurred more pain. I just wanted out…and didn’t care how.

Decades later, I’m thankful for His decision to not let me make this call. He is wonderful.

\o/

7 09 2013
Heather Marsten

I’m glad that God gave you that vision. God preserved my life many times when I wanted to take it, and in some ways that are remarkable. I’m glad that he healed you. We do serve an awesome God.

7 09 2013
lessonsbyheart

God is awesome indeed! Just about the time I think I’ve seen it all, He shows up and does something even more magnificent…in me, through me, around me. I’m nuts about Him!

\o/

7 09 2013
Skye @ TheSanctuaryofMyHeart

I cannot imagine WP without your words!! I am so glad God was not finished with you yet!! Many hugs…much love sent your way!

7 09 2013
lessonsbyheart

Thanks, Skye. I appreciate you more than you know. πŸ™‚

\o/

7 09 2013
Skye @ TheSanctuaryofMyHeart

Ditto!!

7 09 2013
findingmyinnercourage

Thanks Tami for sharing! I’m in that dark place at the moment from chronic pain and nothing will calm it down. I trust Him completely to get me through this dark period.

7 09 2013
lessonsbyheart

Sweet sister, I am so sorry for the pain you are having to endure. The “dark night of the soul” is not a hard place to be.

May the Lord grant you the grace to get through this season with peace and joy as you keep your eyes riveted on Him, and not on the “long tomorrows” that seem to stretch before you without end. That’s a lie the enemy throws at us…this will *never* end.

Hah! There’s a new day coming. It will arrive before you know it. There’s a land flowing with milk and honey, and free of all this broken world provides.

When my mom passed away, one friend criticized me: “where’s your joy?” “JOY?” I spat back at him. “You mean HAPPY? I can’t get to happy, but I have joy. Joy is that rock solid belief that God is in control right now. I have joy. I just can’t find ‘happy’ right now.”

{grin} I’ll bet if you look backward, you’ll discover that you’ve been walking on water for some time now. I admire your steadfastness, for you inspire me to do likewise.

Love you! πŸ™‚

\o/

7 09 2013
platinumdonmccoy

poweful testimony. God ain’t done with you just yet!

7 09 2013
lessonsbyheart

πŸ™‚

\o/

7 09 2013
Pure Glory

Tami, so glad you are alive and making the world brighter!

7 09 2013
lessonsbyheart

Aw, thanks! πŸ™‚

\o/

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