In Your Wildest Dreams

8 06 2013

Night after night I lay in bed, tears coursing silently down my cheeks. Deep pain burned through my heart, which no longer held a steady beat.

Kathump, kathump, kathump…

Silence…

…when your heart does not beat for several seconds

…is very loud.

I wonder if it’s going to….

tat, tat, tat, tat, tat

Yes it is; I guess this isn’t the end.

It had been a very long and trying month, which came to a most unexpected end.

My mother lay in the morgue, awaiting cremation.

During our ordeal with her heart surgery, followed by complications, the Lord had been closer than I’d ever experienced Him. The Christian radio station I played in my car seemed to have been cued into our  situation, for every time I left for the hospital or to return home, the DJ would say something like, “If you’re struggling today, stay tuned. (Pastor’s name) has a message of reassurance and comfort for you.” Or songs like “Praise You in this Storm” would be playing. I never felt so “buffered” in all my life.

The vision my (non-disciple) father had the night she had to be taken back to the hospital was the Lord’s way of forewarning us that she would be going Home. He was wide awake, praying for her (something he didn’t do), and saw my mom standing in a white robe. A large angel came behind her and enfolded her in his wings until all that could be seen was her head.

“Tam, I felt so comforted when I saw that,” he told me later.

I’m glad you feel comforted, I thought. I know what that means.

My dad’s vision was the first of many, many amazing things that happened during that month. I could fill this entire post with them.

But that is not my focus today! Back to my nightly grief sessions…

After weeks of aching, and nightly anxiety attacks (the goofy heartbeat thing), I told the Lord,

“I can’t do this anymore. To stay in the reality that she is gone hurts so bad. Abba, can we decorate my home in heaven?”

(Earlier in the year I’d talked to the Lord about heaven:

“Lord, the idea of sitting on a cloud in a white nightie, strumming a harp for ages to come; or laying at Your feet in worship for years and years…um…I’m sorry, but that sounds incredibly boring. You know me, I can’t sit idle for very long. I love to be making something new, or learning new things, or going to see new places. I guess I lack the ‘worship gene.’ You’re going to have to put that desire in me and do away with my curious, creative self, ’cause if You don’t, I’m going to be a miserable failure in heaven.”

Not long after that, Steve Berger from Grace Chapel in Lieper’s Fort, TN lost his son in a car accident. Suddenly interested in what heaven might be like, he began to study the topic – then preach it from the pulpit. I highly recommend his sermons. These weekly messages were God’s response to my earlier conversation with Him!)

That night, I began by imagining what Mom was doing at that moment. She’d been there for a while. Was she still standing at the entrance, mouth agape at the splendor? In awe of the majesty of God? Was she skipping and dancing and getting reacquainted with my youngest brother who only lived for three days? With the many children she’d lost through miscarriage?

(She had nine miscarriages before me; I was the first to be born live…that makes me a 10. Eat your heart out, Bo Derrik!)

My thoughts turned to my “room” in heaven.

“Lord, I hate to vacuum. Could I have moss instead of carpet…maybe a little creek running through the living room? I love the sound of babbling brooks.

“Plasterboard walls aren’t much fun. They have to be cleaned. How about if You make the walls out of vines – ooh! – with beautiful flowers that change colors from time to time?

(I was on a roll…)

“Windows…hey! We won’t need glass windows because bugs won’t bug us, and there will be no burglars to burgle. I can have openings and fresh air all the time.

“If the rocks would have cried out in praise, that must mean they have that capability – and everything in the universe resonates…emits sound. Awesome! Would You line my yard with trees and bushes that can play the songs I have in my heart for You, but lack the skill to write on paper so others can play along? We could have nightly jam sessions and sing new songs every day!”

My thoughts turned to the concept of forever:

You’ll hear me ask from time to time, “What do you think you’ll be doing a million (billion) years from today?” I don’t know what that might be, but I know this…It’s going to be AMAZING!

Do you ever wonder what you’re being trained for while here on earth? Death isn’t “Game Over,” it’s the doorway into real life. In 2 Corinthians 5, we read that this mortality (what we consider to be real living) will be swallowed up by life! Now, that’s good news!!

****

“Who wants to go to Epcot Center?” I cheerfully asked two of my sons one morning.

Barely looking up from their schoolwork, one replied, “Uh, no thanks.”

The other said, “Not me.”

“What is Epcot Center?” I asked, a bit confused.

“I dunno. Sounds like a business complex…one of your ‘fun-filled’ field trips for homeschool. No thanks, Mom.”

They had no idea what they were turning down. They’d never heard of the place, and so hadn’t given it a second thought.

Isn’t this what we can be like when we think of heaven? Having never thought much about it – or worse – believing the lie that it’s the isolation of being perched on a cloud, nighties and harps, singing forever, it’s no wonder we aren’t anxious to get there. (This, by the way, is a more accurate description of hell – isolation, monotony, hopelessness…forever.)

1 Corinthians 2:9 reads, “Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor has entered into the heart of man the things which God has prepared for those who love Him.” When I read this verse, I hear, “Honey, use your wildest imagination…it will be fun for now, but won’t even come close to all I have waiting for you here!

I become thoroughly Homesick when I imagine what lies ahead (however inaccurate I may be) …

…in my wildest dreams!

***********

(My previous post goes along with this one. You can find it here: Now That’ll Wreck Your Day.  Don’t miss it!)

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21 responses

23 06 2013
Now, That’ll Wreck Your Day! | Lessons by Heart

[…] on this topic in my next post. You can find it here “In Your Wildest Dreams.” Don’t miss […]

9 06 2013
Ann

What a wonderful post and loved reading all the comments 🙂 I have been having a hard time with having very little “zeal” for my life the way it is right now but the Bible says that without vision people perish. So instead of feeling discouraged about my lack of vision for here on Earth I can envision Heaven 🙂 I love the idea of decorating my room in heaven! Maybe I will start a Pinterest board for it LOL! Blessings!

9 06 2013
lessonsbyheart

Love the idea of Pinterest. You’ll have to share if you do. I’d love to see what you come up with.

\o/

Sometimes I feel the same way. Life is hard. It would be bad if it wasn’t so “daily.” May the Lord give you a vision for now that enraptures you and stirs up all the passion He’s placed within you.

🙂

9 06 2013
Ann

Thank you. I am praying for that too:) Blessings to you!

9 06 2013
lessonsbyheart

🙂
\o/

8 06 2013
Jan

Loved this post! Never imagined “decorating” my home in heaven. Guess what I’ll be doing as I fall asleep tonight. 🙂

9 06 2013
lessonsbyheart

Insomnia becomes a delight, that’s for sure! Thanks for stopping by!

\o/

8 06 2013
Toni Sprandel

Can’t wait to get there!

8 06 2013
lessonsbyheart

Me, too! Today works…beam me up, Lord!

\o/

8 06 2013
vonhonnauldt

A city that uses gold for paving material (yes, i know. It may be “symbolic”) is going to be, well, as Paul put it, “impossible to utter,” that is, to describe. My own view of heaven isn’t the robe and harp with me sitting on a cloud. i won’t be dogmatic about it, but I believe heaven will be like what this earth would have been like had our first parents not sinned – with plenty to do and God at the heart of every part of it.

8 06 2013
lessonsbyheart

Me too. The thought of gold being heaven’s pavement excites me. If gold is asphalt…I wonder what the cool stuff will be.

Have a blessed Lord’s Day!

9 06 2013
vonhonnauldt

🙂

8 06 2013
findingmyinnercourage

If heaven had visiting hours I would be there all the time, they would probably kick me out! Excellent Blog as in Blogging at it’s finest!

8 06 2013
lessonsbyheart

Thanks for the thumbs up. I wish they had visiting hours there, too. I visit in my mind…that keeps me going until I can move there!

\o/

8 06 2013
crystal780205

My uncle met Jesus this year with me singing to him and holding his hand. Made me wish there were visiting hours in Heaven. The only thing that gave me hope those nights sitting on the couch where we had loved and laughed was picturing him in Heaven laughing and visiting with his siblings who had gone before. Heaven is my hope!

8 06 2013
lessonsbyheart

Mine too!

\o/

8 06 2013
melanie jean juneau

well said

yet heaven is just beyond a thin viel; as St. Paul says we sre part of the communion of saints, both the living and the dead because we are all part of His Body.
See “Prayer is Never Having to Say Good-Bye”
http://melaniejeanjuneau.wordpress.com/2012/10/07/prayer-is-never-having-to-say-good-bye/

8 06 2013
Heidi Viars

We just can’t imagine!!! I get homesick for heaven quite frequently … what a wonderful reminder of the things to come … thanks for sharing, Tammi

8 06 2013
lessonsbyheart

🙂

\o/

8 06 2013
Larry Who

The Apostle Paul stated that heaven was “far better” than here on earth (Philippians 1:23). That sounds good enough for me.

8 06 2013
lessonsbyheart

I’m with you on that! Sometimes I jump up and down with my hitchhiker thumb out, calling “How ’bout now? Now works for me! Beam me up, Jesus!”

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